I have really been struggling as of late. A lot of struggles have been caused by myself. I have been very defensive and reactionary. My family is in better health, yet there still is drama and stress to deal with. This has been a very painful and overwhelming time. However, I am learning a lot about myself.
What I have learned:
- I truly must work on how I cope. I have a tendency to avoid, push away, and eat unhealthy and expensive food.
- Much of what I fear in my life is what I myself have. This includes anger, fear itself, guilt, hatred, etc. I wonder as I accept and feel these fears, my fear of these things in others will lessen.
- Codependent No More can be such a help. When I felt really icky earlier, I started reading some of it. I got reminded about detachment, preventing reactionary behavior, and the Drama Triangle. This centered me and made me realize how much crappy feeling I had was because of codependency.
- Inspiring blog posts have also been helpful. Marj reminded me of the importance of feeling past feelings. Paula reminded me to not give up and press on. Katie reminded me to look at the progress I have made from the past. Ms Hen always reminds me that being positive and at peace is possible no matter what life throws at you. I am grateful to have a way to share and read what everyone out here shares.
Dear One, I am so tired from the days walk, managed to post, yet I am not into deep reading. I would react quite oddly I guess. yet you shall know that my thoughts are with you and I like you exactly as you are. With slipbacks, progress and ponderings. Hugs
ReplyDeleteohh hugs to you~~~ i'm sorry you've been struggling. remember, go easy on yourself. those coping mechanisms developed for a reason through your formative years, so healing takes time. i can relate to feeling reactive too. practicing emotional detachment and boundaries and self-care really has been helping. baby steps and one day at a time though are especially helpful.
ReplyDeletewishing you well...and sending peaceful wishes :)
Hi Ik, today I have a bit more time. I learned early to stop using certain words: "BUT" is neagting the first part of a sentence or what teh opposite said. I learned listen carefully to myself when the word BUT is really appropriate to use. "MUST" is another one. Increases pressure, expectation etc etc, is so no kindness and support to myself. By now I use words like: next porject is this..., I am keen on learning... I learned as well that if´s and should¨s are part of the same category. Opens space for a more balanced or even positive way to express myself. I feel I am more comfortable with it. Not straight away but now.
ReplyDeleteWe are such matsres and holders of formerly useful habits which now have outlived their usefullness. We didnt get masters over night and wont succeeded quickly in mastering differently now. I can relate lately my patience is running short too. SIGH, We wont give up, remember in one of our first exchanges we agreed to meet on the end of the rainbow one day.... love and hugs from my way
Thinking of you, love to you
ReplyDelete