Some of My Laundry List

You know you have been out for a while when you can't remember your account info.

With all of this busyness, I have noticed some trends in myself.  I got distracted from taking care of myself and self-reflection.  As I become more aware of pain and anguish, the release of such emotion becomes more important.  I'm like a teakettle with the whistle stopped up.  However, the steam just doesn't make me cleanly explode.  It seeps out wherever it can.  So, with this pain, anger, and resentment seeping out, I feel guilt for it happening.

I also notice that I handle worry differently.  I still worry and dwell, but not constantly and I don't let it mess me up so badly.  I am slowly becoming more accepting of my fears and worries.  However, I still must learn that what I worry and fear usually doesn't happen or is as bad as I think.

I struggle with my awareness of my thinking and acting behaviors.  The more I realize how codependent, passive, resentful, and insecure I am, the more I dislike of myself.  I have always had a resistance to change, ever since I was quite young.  Somewhere, I learned changing myself meant how I am is worthless.

I must do in order to be worthy.  I must look, think, feel, and act a certain way to be lovable and worthy.  Realizing I have changes to make inflames this harmful thinking.  I know I must find worth in myself right now, because I am worthy and lovable even with my bad habits.  However, as I become more aware of my habits, the more hopelessness I feel in believing I have worth.

Ok, I think that's enough of my laundry list for now.  I've been thinking about the above areas a lot as of late.

Self-Rescuing Princess

Linkie.

I have realized last night that I must try to work on myself more on my own.  I have noticed a tendency to create conflict and send out negativity.  Thus, I must realize that it is up to me to help myself, no one else.

So today, when I saw the above linked t-shirt in a catalog, it really spoke to me.  It reminds me that I have not been looking to myself enough.  Help and support from others is good, but one cannot become dependent on it.

After more thinking, I realized that those healing themselves are self-rescuing prince(sse)s.  No matter what support we may have, it is up to us to evolve into happy, healing people.

Well, I should retire soon.  I wish you all a happy week!  Take care!  <3

Self-Esteem and Sexuality

http://chaplaincare.navy.mil/selfhelp/sexuality.htm

I just wanted to link this as it seems useful.  It discusses self-esteem and its impact on our lives, including our sexuality.  I've been doing a bit of reading with this.

Hugs to all!  Take care!  <3

To Run

Something stirs
just beneath

An urge to run
and run and run

To live amongst
the trees
and silence

Away from all

Can't run away
from yourself

Sensible chiding
from within

Does not quell
this urge

To run
and run
and run