Ok, I know I only wrote a post a few minutes ago. However, I have to get this out.
Today I read this on Sarah's blog about laughter. Goodness, did this ever trigger something in me. I had tears in my eyes after reading it and now I do again as I post this. Outside of a few belly laughs with my sisters over something really silly, I never really laughed or smiled when I was younger. I remember someone in junior high asking why I never laughed. I think I just shrugged my shoulders at their question. It is easier now to laugh. Recently, I have realized just how much I giggle and chuckle about what goes on around me and even when things go badly. Though I don't laugh very loud most of the time. I feel like I muted myself, like I was only supposed to laugh if others think it is funny.
Now on to tears. Goodness, I didn't have much of a problem with that. I got labeled a crybaby at school and it was yet another thing to single me out. I was terribly sensitive then, and still am. I wanted to be accepted and liked so much by the other kids. In order to get them to like me, I would have had to disown some of my own qualities. I already felt repressed enough at home so I didn't do that. Though I did go deeper into my shell. I have also had other reactions to me crying. Anger and guilt are the main ones. I used to feel ashamed of crying, especially in front of men. I felt it was an unacceptable sign of weakness. Since what I do and what I am interested in are something with more men, I felt like I had to prove strength. Also, others around me were codependent and felt to blame for my tears.
It's funny, I always thought I was an emotional person. However, I think I just acted emotionally. I repressed a lot of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and fear. Now, when I cry, I feel the pain pour out. Now, when I laugh, I feel joy. I feel all of this stronger than ever. It can be overwhelming, but it is easier than living with repressed emotions stirring within.
Inspiring Music
Monday, March 8, 2010
To Feel Worthy
This is a response to a challenge on this website. I encourage you to check out what others have shared.
With a recent blowup regarding insecurity, a shift has taken place in my thinking. The idea that the only way I will get security in myself is by changing my self-image into something more positive seems to have finally sunk in. I cannot do a thing about how others see me. I truly don't want to.
So today, as I was walking home, I thought more about how I view myself and self love. A few months back, I remember laying on my bed, wondering how I could ever love myself. This was months after I read online and in books about the importance of loving yourself. I knew I had to. I realized that I could not truly love others until I did. I knew that such love would wash away the anger and resentment I feel about not being accepted by others. Yet, I was at a lost as to how I could ever love myself.
I took baby steps. I worked on thinking more positively. Not just about me, but also about other people and situations. I thought about what I liked about me. I tried to find a positive side to what I didn't like about me. I looked at myself naked in the mirror before and after showers. I tried to make more decisions based on how I felt rather than how someone else felt. I decided to change my lifestyle for my own health, not just to be prettier or whatever. I decided to like what I already liked about me, even if others thought it was weird or odd.
Slowly, it all seems to help. Have I accomplished all of this totally? NO! I still have my bad times. Sometimes they last a few minutes, maybe a few hours. The difference is that I now bring myself up by being kind to myself. While I appreciate support, I am slowly stopping the search for a shoulder to cry on. I'm crying on my own shoulder. I'm complimenting myself. I got myself some of these as a birthday gift.
I still struggle. I still get upset with myself. I have a lot of negative self-talk to conquer. My awareness of my codependency and other issues makes it easy to beat myself up. However, I can love myself. It is possible. Right now. With my issues, my problems, my immaturity, my codependency, my emotions, my fears. As I am right now, I am lovable. To actually feel that as being true just blows me away.
With a recent blowup regarding insecurity, a shift has taken place in my thinking. The idea that the only way I will get security in myself is by changing my self-image into something more positive seems to have finally sunk in. I cannot do a thing about how others see me. I truly don't want to.
So today, as I was walking home, I thought more about how I view myself and self love. A few months back, I remember laying on my bed, wondering how I could ever love myself. This was months after I read online and in books about the importance of loving yourself. I knew I had to. I realized that I could not truly love others until I did. I knew that such love would wash away the anger and resentment I feel about not being accepted by others. Yet, I was at a lost as to how I could ever love myself.
I took baby steps. I worked on thinking more positively. Not just about me, but also about other people and situations. I thought about what I liked about me. I tried to find a positive side to what I didn't like about me. I looked at myself naked in the mirror before and after showers. I tried to make more decisions based on how I felt rather than how someone else felt. I decided to change my lifestyle for my own health, not just to be prettier or whatever. I decided to like what I already liked about me, even if others thought it was weird or odd.
Slowly, it all seems to help. Have I accomplished all of this totally? NO! I still have my bad times. Sometimes they last a few minutes, maybe a few hours. The difference is that I now bring myself up by being kind to myself. While I appreciate support, I am slowly stopping the search for a shoulder to cry on. I'm crying on my own shoulder. I'm complimenting myself. I got myself some of these as a birthday gift.
I still struggle. I still get upset with myself. I have a lot of negative self-talk to conquer. My awareness of my codependency and other issues makes it easy to beat myself up. However, I can love myself. It is possible. Right now. With my issues, my problems, my immaturity, my codependency, my emotions, my fears. As I am right now, I am lovable. To actually feel that as being true just blows me away.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Can't You Just Adore Her?
This morning, I was listening to Mandy Moore's song, Can't You Just Adore Her. It got me thinking about my need to feel accepted and loved. As always, when I turn a love song toward myself, it makes me think more about my behavior. Why can I just adore myself? Yes, I do need to change how I react and how I treat myself and others. But why can't I just enjoy the rest of myself? I've been thinking as of late about some current events. I've pegged a lot of it down to a negative self-image. I seem to project this on to other people. I will have to post more about this and some material I found.
I have been having some hectic days as of late. I may not seem very active. I do read and I'm about. I'm thinking of you all! Have a good week! *hugs* <3
P.S. Ok, I can't help it. I found this link a couple of days ago. It discusses an interesting pattern of how jealousy results from insecurity and can result in an attempt to control others. It discusses false beliefs and negative self-image as reasons for jealousy (and in some cases anger).
I have been having some hectic days as of late. I may not seem very active. I do read and I'm about. I'm thinking of you all! Have a good week! *hugs* <3
P.S. Ok, I can't help it. I found this link a couple of days ago. It discusses an interesting pattern of how jealousy results from insecurity and can result in an attempt to control others. It discusses false beliefs and negative self-image as reasons for jealousy (and in some cases anger).
Friday, February 19, 2010
February 2010 Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse!
Welcome to the February 2010 edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse! This carnival increases awareness of child abuse and allows survivors to connect. This month, we are having the theme of birthdays, since four days from now is my own. Birthdays can be quite emotional for survivors.
Please enjoy the following posts! They have been categorized as the following: Birthday-Themed, Advocacy and Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing and Therapy, In the News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories.
If you, as an author or reader, come across relevant blog posts of merit, please submit them to future Blog Carnivals Against Child Abuse!
Birthday-Themed
IK (me) at Issue Knitting presents Birthday Thoughts. These are just some reflections of my birthday and what the day means and how it has been impacted.
Kate Wiggin at Kate1975's Blog shares Birthday Musings. In this post, Kate captures the various emotions brought on by birthdays, both in the past and the now.
katie at sharing our spaces posts healing the inner child. With the birthday theme, she discusses the movie The Kid, where an unhappy workaholic sees a younger version of himself. Expanding further, she also brings up the book 'Healing the Child Within'. I found this post rather helpful as that book has a lovely list of real self qualities versus the false or codependent self.
From Marj aka Thriver at Survivors Can Thrive! comes A Part Is Born. Marj shares her experience with DID and the birth of alters.
One Survivor at A Survivor's Thoughts on Life reflects with My Sister. This is a reflection of One Survivor's sister, as her birthday approaches.
Patricia Singleton at SPIRITUAL JOURNEY OF A LIGHTWORKER shares Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker: My Mom---The Silent Parent. This is a very touching tribute on her mother's birthday this month.
Rick Belden at poetry, dreams, and the body enters poetry, dreams, and the body » Blog Archive » broken birthday 51. Rick shares, "This poem was written on the morning of my 51st birthday in November 2008. Birthdays have typically been difficult for me throughout my life, but watching myself get another year older while I'm still trying to heal from a childhood that feels farther and farther away from me all the time adds another layer of challenging feelings to the experience."
Advocacy and Awareness
Aaliyah Williams at Masters in Elementary Education provides 9 Blogs About Childrearing Worth Reading. Here is a handy resource about childcare for parents and parents to be.
Dr. Alan Singer at FamilyThinking.com with Dr. Alan Singer writes Better Safe Than Stupid. Dr. Alan Singer remarks, "A parent must assume full responsibility for their child's well-being at all times, from infancy to when the child starts school, and then some. That's why something that I saw recently left an indelible impression on me."
Ekawaaz offers We should Be Ashamed: The Rampant Exploitation Of Children Continues in India. Ekawaaz says, "This Video I had captured 2 weeks ago in Lucknow, the state capital of India’s largest state. What a shame! This video is clearly saying that in India the rampant exploitation of children continues and no one really bothered be it local administration or Government. People do talk about NGO’s do talk about but the reality is that we are not doing enough to end this SHAME."
End Slavery Now at End Human Trafficking submits Saudi Girl, 12, Sold in Marriage to 80-Year-Old Relative. This article brings to light the fact that Saudi Arabia has no minimum age for marriage and how young daughters are sold off to marriage.
Surbhi at The Viewspaper posts Child Sexual Abuse: A Frightening Reality. Bringing India's problem with child sexual abuse up front, this article advocates doing something about this terrible problem that faces many more nations than India. As I check this, it was having an issue loading but is the right URL. I believe they may be having a temporary server glitch.
Aftermath
AM White at From Survivor to Thriver shares Fatherly Confusion « From Survivor to Thriver. This was an important post for AM White's recovery, for she figures out the negative impact of her father. This is certainly a relatable piece.
Colleen at Surviving by Grace writes Is It My Turn To Fly?. Colleen reflects on a lovely song about growth and reaching a point of strength and courage.
cornnut32 at picture of experience gives us cracked: understanding why i act the way i do. From a book about addicts and their rehab, cornnut32 finds insight into how she as a survivor is how she is. I personally found this post rather helpful as I can relate to much of the book's excerpt that she posted.
Lily at Locating My Life reflicts with Please Stop. Lily remarks, "A constant struggle for me, and many survivors. I know I sure could use others insight to help me understand. Hopefully this will help someone else ." This struggle is in regards to cutting, a form of self injury.
Shadowlight offers Forms of dissociative disorder « Shadowlight's Blog. This is a very informative post that illustrates the different forms of dissociative identity disorder.
Art Therapy (To stand on their own, without my interpretation.)
Paul at Mind Parts presents Visual Words. Paul remarks, "I wanted to introduce readers to what they can do with "word clouds"".
Healing and Therapy
Adam at ZenTactics - Child Abuse Recovery submits Healing the Inner Child. This post explains why you should heal your inner child and what may help you with this undertaking.
Cynthia Bland at Voice Found enters speak to your inner child. In this entry, Cynthia recalls a time she comforted her inner child. It's a wonderful reminder of how important re-parenting yourself can be for a survivor.
Dan Hays at Thoughts Along The Road to Healing writes My Inner Child. Dan says, "Informal thoughts about how to help my inner child heal, in response to a question from a friend."
Darlene Ouimet at Emerging From Broken posts The Longing for Family, Love and Self Love. This is a very touching post about rising above an abusive past to a serenity of self-love and acceptance.
Dr. Kathleen Young presents Overcoming Negative Self-Talk. This is a very informative post about negative self-talk and how to deal with it.
From fatgirloreo at OREO comes I Believe In Paying It Forward. She shares her experience with a support group and its final meeting.
JUST BE REAL gives us VENDING MACHINE OF PLEASING. This entry is a wonderful analogy relating vending machines and people pleasing. I really enjoyed this one myself.
In the News
Ekawaaz provides Indias shame: Sexual slavery, the Prostitution Racket and Child prostitutes: Channel 4 Investigation (video). Ekawaaz shares, "While doing some other work and looking for some other video, I came across with this report of Channel 4 and to be honest I was shocked and disgusted to see how the hell this type of force sex slavery is still going on and people involved in are not getting caught? What’s wrong with our system? We want it all, we want to be super power but unfortunately we are not able to protect these kids from this sex slavery trade. God save Indian Kids!"
Regina Scharf at DEEP BRAZIL offers 5 million workers under age « DEEP BRAZIL. This informative article explains that over five million Brazilian workers are under 18, many without pay, and the horrible conditions they must work in.
Poetry (To stand on their own words, not mine.)
Hope at Hope for Trauma posts Clouds & Rain « Hope for Trauma.
Survivor Stories
Jeff Bennett at Secret of a Kiss writes Childhood memories « Secret of a Kiss. This entry recalls sexual childhood memories of the author and their impact on him then and now.
Shen at Reunited Selves reflects with DID and the Fifth Step. Shen relates a moment of clarity she had related to dissociative identity disorder and the holding on to resentments and past experiences.
Please enjoy the following posts! They have been categorized as the following: Birthday-Themed, Advocacy and Awareness, Aftermath, Art Therapy, Healing and Therapy, In the News, Poetry, and Survivor Stories.
If you, as an author or reader, come across relevant blog posts of merit, please submit them to future Blog Carnivals Against Child Abuse!
Birthday-Themed
IK (me) at Issue Knitting presents Birthday Thoughts. These are just some reflections of my birthday and what the day means and how it has been impacted.
Kate Wiggin at Kate1975's Blog shares Birthday Musings. In this post, Kate captures the various emotions brought on by birthdays, both in the past and the now.
katie at sharing our spaces posts healing the inner child. With the birthday theme, she discusses the movie The Kid, where an unhappy workaholic sees a younger version of himself. Expanding further, she also brings up the book 'Healing the Child Within'. I found this post rather helpful as that book has a lovely list of real self qualities versus the false or codependent self.
From Marj aka Thriver at Survivors Can Thrive! comes A Part Is Born. Marj shares her experience with DID and the birth of alters.
One Survivor at A Survivor's Thoughts on Life reflects with My Sister. This is a reflection of One Survivor's sister, as her birthday approaches.
Patricia Singleton at SPIRITUAL JOURNEY OF A LIGHTWORKER shares Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker: My Mom---The Silent Parent. This is a very touching tribute on her mother's birthday this month.
Rick Belden at poetry, dreams, and the body enters poetry, dreams, and the body » Blog Archive » broken birthday 51. Rick shares, "This poem was written on the morning of my 51st birthday in November 2008. Birthdays have typically been difficult for me throughout my life, but watching myself get another year older while I'm still trying to heal from a childhood that feels farther and farther away from me all the time adds another layer of challenging feelings to the experience."
Advocacy and Awareness
Aaliyah Williams at Masters in Elementary Education provides 9 Blogs About Childrearing Worth Reading. Here is a handy resource about childcare for parents and parents to be.
Dr. Alan Singer at FamilyThinking.com with Dr. Alan Singer writes Better Safe Than Stupid. Dr. Alan Singer remarks, "A parent must assume full responsibility for their child's well-being at all times, from infancy to when the child starts school, and then some. That's why something that I saw recently left an indelible impression on me."
Ekawaaz offers We should Be Ashamed: The Rampant Exploitation Of Children Continues in India. Ekawaaz says, "This Video I had captured 2 weeks ago in Lucknow, the state capital of India’s largest state. What a shame! This video is clearly saying that in India the rampant exploitation of children continues and no one really bothered be it local administration or Government. People do talk about NGO’s do talk about but the reality is that we are not doing enough to end this SHAME."
End Slavery Now at End Human Trafficking submits Saudi Girl, 12, Sold in Marriage to 80-Year-Old Relative. This article brings to light the fact that Saudi Arabia has no minimum age for marriage and how young daughters are sold off to marriage.
Surbhi at The Viewspaper posts Child Sexual Abuse: A Frightening Reality. Bringing India's problem with child sexual abuse up front, this article advocates doing something about this terrible problem that faces many more nations than India. As I check this, it was having an issue loading but is the right URL. I believe they may be having a temporary server glitch.
Aftermath
AM White at From Survivor to Thriver shares Fatherly Confusion « From Survivor to Thriver. This was an important post for AM White's recovery, for she figures out the negative impact of her father. This is certainly a relatable piece.
Colleen at Surviving by Grace writes Is It My Turn To Fly?. Colleen reflects on a lovely song about growth and reaching a point of strength and courage.
cornnut32 at picture of experience gives us cracked: understanding why i act the way i do. From a book about addicts and their rehab, cornnut32 finds insight into how she as a survivor is how she is. I personally found this post rather helpful as I can relate to much of the book's excerpt that she posted.
Lily at Locating My Life reflicts with Please Stop. Lily remarks, "A constant struggle for me, and many survivors. I know I sure could use others insight to help me understand. Hopefully this will help someone else ." This struggle is in regards to cutting, a form of self injury.
Shadowlight offers Forms of dissociative disorder « Shadowlight's Blog. This is a very informative post that illustrates the different forms of dissociative identity disorder.
Art Therapy (To stand on their own, without my interpretation.)
Paul at Mind Parts presents Visual Words. Paul remarks, "I wanted to introduce readers to what they can do with "word clouds"".
Healing and Therapy
Adam at ZenTactics - Child Abuse Recovery submits Healing the Inner Child. This post explains why you should heal your inner child and what may help you with this undertaking.
Cynthia Bland at Voice Found enters speak to your inner child. In this entry, Cynthia recalls a time she comforted her inner child. It's a wonderful reminder of how important re-parenting yourself can be for a survivor.
Dan Hays at Thoughts Along The Road to Healing writes My Inner Child. Dan says, "Informal thoughts about how to help my inner child heal, in response to a question from a friend."
Darlene Ouimet at Emerging From Broken posts The Longing for Family, Love and Self Love. This is a very touching post about rising above an abusive past to a serenity of self-love and acceptance.
Dr. Kathleen Young presents Overcoming Negative Self-Talk. This is a very informative post about negative self-talk and how to deal with it.
From fatgirloreo at OREO comes I Believe In Paying It Forward. She shares her experience with a support group and its final meeting.
JUST BE REAL gives us VENDING MACHINE OF PLEASING. This entry is a wonderful analogy relating vending machines and people pleasing. I really enjoyed this one myself.
In the News
Ekawaaz provides Indias shame: Sexual slavery, the Prostitution Racket and Child prostitutes: Channel 4 Investigation (video). Ekawaaz shares, "While doing some other work and looking for some other video, I came across with this report of Channel 4 and to be honest I was shocked and disgusted to see how the hell this type of force sex slavery is still going on and people involved in are not getting caught? What’s wrong with our system? We want it all, we want to be super power but unfortunately we are not able to protect these kids from this sex slavery trade. God save Indian Kids!"
Regina Scharf at DEEP BRAZIL offers 5 million workers under age « DEEP BRAZIL. This informative article explains that over five million Brazilian workers are under 18, many without pay, and the horrible conditions they must work in.
Poetry (To stand on their own words, not mine.)
Hope at Hope for Trauma posts Clouds & Rain « Hope for Trauma.
Survivor Stories
Jeff Bennett at Secret of a Kiss writes Childhood memories « Secret of a Kiss. This entry recalls sexual childhood memories of the author and their impact on him then and now.
Shen at Reunited Selves reflects with DID and the Fifth Step. Shen relates a moment of clarity she had related to dissociative identity disorder and the holding on to resentments and past experiences.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Who I Am Versus Who I Should Be Versus Who I Want To Be
I wanted to post this as it means something to me. Today I have struggled with comparing myself to others. Now mind you, I don't positively compare, I only see what I lack. This also brings up a lot of insecurity in me. So, as I was walking home tonight, I thought more about this. I felt rather crappy about all of this and wanted to reach a point of comfort and peace, even if it wasn't totally resolved.
I got thinking about how I should do some art therapy. I started to visualize how I see myself, how I thought I was supposed to be, and what I truly wanted to be like. I would like to actually paint and share.
Anyway, I came to this conclusion. Now, I don't know if this was what I felt when I was younger but it may explain some things. By some odd event, some men's magazines started arriving at my home when I was a teen. I do not mean pornography, I mean those magazines where the gals are all clothed yet sexual and they have other topics as well.
I remember becoming engrossed in these magazines, sneaking a look whenever. Not for sexual attraction, but more for curiosity. So, this was what men desired. Boys disliked me a lot growing up and this seemed like a way into their minds. Now, this did not make me dress more seductively (would never have been allowed to and was too shy to), be sexual with boys (they didn't like me, got lots of preaching against it, felt too immature for such things), or change my appearance (didn't want to spend money or time on cosmetics and such).
However, I do believe that this strong belief I have of men only wanting sex or me because of sex come from this. These women looked, acted, and dressed nothing like me. While I never acted out like them, I still seem to hold them upon some pedestal. Also, I think that I got such ideas as I believed I had nothing else to offer. What I had was so different than these women and the impression I had about their personality. I do not hate women like what is in magazines at all, they are humanly sisters of mine. Yet, I do seem to hate that I am not them.
This is so conflicting, moreso now, as I come to accept and like myself more. This seems to be a common theme, internal conflict. My awareness and self-love is violently opposing false beliefs and habits. It will be interesting to see how the awareness and self-love will conquer.
<3
I got thinking about how I should do some art therapy. I started to visualize how I see myself, how I thought I was supposed to be, and what I truly wanted to be like. I would like to actually paint and share.
Anyway, I came to this conclusion. Now, I don't know if this was what I felt when I was younger but it may explain some things. By some odd event, some men's magazines started arriving at my home when I was a teen. I do not mean pornography, I mean those magazines where the gals are all clothed yet sexual and they have other topics as well.
I remember becoming engrossed in these magazines, sneaking a look whenever. Not for sexual attraction, but more for curiosity. So, this was what men desired. Boys disliked me a lot growing up and this seemed like a way into their minds. Now, this did not make me dress more seductively (would never have been allowed to and was too shy to), be sexual with boys (they didn't like me, got lots of preaching against it, felt too immature for such things), or change my appearance (didn't want to spend money or time on cosmetics and such).
However, I do believe that this strong belief I have of men only wanting sex or me because of sex come from this. These women looked, acted, and dressed nothing like me. While I never acted out like them, I still seem to hold them upon some pedestal. Also, I think that I got such ideas as I believed I had nothing else to offer. What I had was so different than these women and the impression I had about their personality. I do not hate women like what is in magazines at all, they are humanly sisters of mine. Yet, I do seem to hate that I am not them.
This is so conflicting, moreso now, as I come to accept and like myself more. This seems to be a common theme, internal conflict. My awareness and self-love is violently opposing false beliefs and habits. It will be interesting to see how the awareness and self-love will conquer.
<3
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Birthday Thoughts
In one week, I will be having another birthday. Unlike many, I do not dread my birthday. With each year, I learn more and grow, no matter what bad may happen. Birthdays were always a big deal for my family. It was nice to have some people be glad I was born. I had very few friends growing up, so birthdays were more of a family affair. So while they were depressing in that I had no friends that wanted to celebrate, it was also stressful for another reason. A lot of cleaning had to happen due to hoarding, and us kids did a bulk of it. Also, the fact that this cleaning had to be done caused a lot of tension and fighting, none of it from us kids as we were too busy doing the work. We were trying to look perfect and normal to other gossipy relatives, but that didn't help. Not all of it was bad. My grandma made tasty and lovely cakes and we always had plenty of good food. With company, whatever tension there was was stuffed down. Things almost felt peaceful, though artificial.
As I have gotten older, birthdays have been more about solitude. There are people who still care, some that don't. Most people I know don't take birthdays very seriously. Even with all the tension and conflict back then, I learned that birthdays were important. So, I still see them that way. I try to let others know that they are cared about and that I'm happy that they are alive. There's not much worse than to realize someone wishes you didn't exist.
To finish this rather taxing post off, I would like to share some ways to celebrate yourself, regardless if it's your birthday. I would like to do some of this on my birthday.
- Make art for yourself. Be it paint, pencil, or clay: create something beautiful and meaningful for you.
- Take a long, slow walk. In general, we are all so busy and preoccupied. No matter where you walk, you release good chemicals and take some time to enjoy existing in this world.
- Show kindness. Smile, say hello, et cetera. There are many ways to be kind without harming oneself or acting codependent.
- Indulge in good food.
- Take in some different beauty. Whether in a museum, a park, a forest, et cetera, find some beauty you don't usually see/hear/sense.
As I have gotten older, birthdays have been more about solitude. There are people who still care, some that don't. Most people I know don't take birthdays very seriously. Even with all the tension and conflict back then, I learned that birthdays were important. So, I still see them that way. I try to let others know that they are cared about and that I'm happy that they are alive. There's not much worse than to realize someone wishes you didn't exist.
To finish this rather taxing post off, I would like to share some ways to celebrate yourself, regardless if it's your birthday. I would like to do some of this on my birthday.
- Make art for yourself. Be it paint, pencil, or clay: create something beautiful and meaningful for you.
- Take a long, slow walk. In general, we are all so busy and preoccupied. No matter where you walk, you release good chemicals and take some time to enjoy existing in this world.
- Show kindness. Smile, say hello, et cetera. There are many ways to be kind without harming oneself or acting codependent.
- Indulge in good food.
- Take in some different beauty. Whether in a museum, a park, a forest, et cetera, find some beauty you don't usually see/hear/sense.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Upcoming Carnival and ABCs
First off, I want to remind everyone that the deadline for the blog carnival is this Wednesday. The submissions will be up this Friday. I have gotten a lot of great submissions so far, keep them coming!
As I was reading about the twelve steps (in regards to Coda), I got curious about what atheists did. I know a lot of atheists and so I was looking into that. Some people make revisions to the twelve steps and some people use Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy. I found the ABCs model, both from REBT (RET) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy rather useful. That Cognitive Behavioral Therapy link also has a list of how we distort our beliefs. Another good link I just discovered here.
The ABC model seems to be a wonderful way to stop and think about the negative beliefs we commonly consult. For example, some negative beliefs I have are that others don't care, others take me for granted, others expect me to take care of them, et cetera. Now, these beliefs didn't come from nowhere, I learned them from prior experience and I still have experiences where such beliefs are valid. However, there are many times when the other person does not feel that way at all. Thus, friction and conflict occur because I make negative assumptions via my beliefs. This all goes into idealism and passive-aggressiveness for me as well. I know that coping.org had those pages, but now it looks like livestrong.com does not. I liked coping.org for its simple format but hey, the info's still there.
As I was reading about the twelve steps (in regards to Coda), I got curious about what atheists did. I know a lot of atheists and so I was looking into that. Some people make revisions to the twelve steps and some people use Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy. I found the ABCs model, both from REBT (RET) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy rather useful. That Cognitive Behavioral Therapy link also has a list of how we distort our beliefs. Another good link I just discovered here.
The ABC model seems to be a wonderful way to stop and think about the negative beliefs we commonly consult. For example, some negative beliefs I have are that others don't care, others take me for granted, others expect me to take care of them, et cetera. Now, these beliefs didn't come from nowhere, I learned them from prior experience and I still have experiences where such beliefs are valid. However, there are many times when the other person does not feel that way at all. Thus, friction and conflict occur because I make negative assumptions via my beliefs. This all goes into idealism and passive-aggressiveness for me as well. I know that coping.org had those pages, but now it looks like livestrong.com does not. I liked coping.org for its simple format but hey, the info's still there.
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