I'm glad that others found that link helpful. It really helped me to understand what calms me and what other emotional-related skills I need to work on.
When I post here, not only do I like to post what's going on for me, but also ways to deal with what's going on. I have always had in mind that this blog would be a place of helpful links for others.
Lately, I have been feeling a lot of internal anger and resentment. I've been uncovering layers of it and why I feel that way. Also, I have focused a lot on liking myself and inner child stuff. It seems like whenever I focus on something, I seem to slip a little in another area.
This time, and probably a lot of other times, the area I've been slipping in is assertiveness. Being passive is how I have always been. So, it's easy to slip back into that, especially when stressed.
Only in the last few months have I thought of myself as a person with needs and wants. I have always been so focused on others, that I didn't even care about me. I've been trying to improve my self-esteem as I figure if I like myself more, I will stand up for myself more.
However, assertiveness is still a central area of improvement for me. I have been told that when one goes from being passive to assertive, sometimes that person will become aggressive until they realize what the difference is and settle into being assertive. I'm not sure if that's true, though it seems as though that has happened for me.
Anyway, so I went looking for more resources about being assertive and found this. It's on a business/management info website of all things. However, in the business world, one needs to be assertive too. This article shares ways to become more assertive. It suggests:
drawing clear boundaries
offering context when verbalizing your wants and needs to others
avoid trying to control other's response
maintaining boundaries
Pretty basic stuff but stuff I needed to be reminded of. I also have not heard about offering context to what you are requesting. By doing so, you avoid offending the other person as it shows you are not attacking them. At the bottom of the article is a link to a related article: Importance of Being Firm Without Being Rude. At bottom of that is Learn How to Say "No". And at the bottom of that is Non-Verbal Assertive Communication. It keeps on going with dealing with workplace bullying, etc.
Anyway, I just wanted to share this. I will have to share more later as I have to go. *hugs* <3
what a great post! i struggle with all the same things. i've never taken on my passivity head-on. taken an assertiveness training or anything. but i always thought i should. i took a conflict resolution course once. we role played trying to mediate an argument between two hostile people. i played the mediator role. i broke down crying and felt scared of the angry person. suffice to say, the class didn't help me. except to let me know i have a lot more work to do in that area. thanks for the links! :)
ReplyDeleteOh God that role play between two hostile people would have me running for the door too. I dealt with someone who was very aggressive at the community centre garden last year. I did it well, but I was still a mess internally! Takes a lot of time and patience and practice. Great post, I will come back to look at the links. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat post.. I agree with the others.
ReplyDeleteI know that it is all about balance.. when I slip in one area .. it is sometimes time to focus a bit more there; and then I wind up not focusing enough in another area..
There is just 24 hours to the day.. and maybe it is supposed to be like that I read.. Balance is something that constantly has to be maintained..
Hugs.. glad you are taking care of YOU.. (more hugs)
Great post. Very well written
ReplyDelete