This is a response to a challenge on this website. I encourage you to check out what others have shared.
With a recent blowup regarding insecurity, a shift has taken place in my thinking. The idea that the only way I will get security in myself is by changing my self-image into something more positive seems to have finally sunk in. I cannot do a thing about how others see me. I truly don't want to.
So today, as I was walking home, I thought more about how I view myself and self love. A few months back, I remember laying on my bed, wondering how I could ever love myself. This was months after I read online and in books about the importance of loving yourself. I knew I had to. I realized that I could not truly love others until I did. I knew that such love would wash away the anger and resentment I feel about not being accepted by others. Yet, I was at a lost as to how I could ever love myself.
I took baby steps. I worked on thinking more positively. Not just about me, but also about other people and situations. I thought about what I liked about me. I tried to find a positive side to what I didn't like about me. I looked at myself naked in the mirror before and after showers. I tried to make more decisions based on how I felt rather than how someone else felt. I decided to change my lifestyle for my own health, not just to be prettier or whatever. I decided to like what I already liked about me, even if others thought it was weird or odd.
Slowly, it all seems to help. Have I accomplished all of this totally? NO! I still have my bad times. Sometimes they last a few minutes, maybe a few hours. The difference is that I now bring myself up by being kind to myself. While I appreciate support, I am slowly stopping the search for a shoulder to cry on. I'm crying on my own shoulder. I'm complimenting myself. I got myself some of these as a birthday gift.
I still struggle. I still get upset with myself. I have a lot of negative self-talk to conquer. My awareness of my codependency and other issues makes it easy to beat myself up. However, I can love myself. It is possible. Right now. With my issues, my problems, my immaturity, my codependency, my emotions, my fears. As I am right now, I am lovable. To actually feel that as being true just blows me away.
oh IK, i just loved this! i am so happy to hear about all that you've done (thank you for being specific on your tactics) and that it's working. this was so inspiring. i have been doing all the same stuff and working on trying to feel self-love and increasing my self-esteem and confidence. in the past, i felt so plagued by insecurity and confused by confidence. i felt like i honestly had no idea how to get from a to b. what was confidence? how the heck do i get that? and i think the answer i found is in what you've described here. i'm along the same journey. it's nice to see you on this road. and it's wonderful we are learning to comfort ourselves.
ReplyDeletehugs to you! and maybe more importantly, hugs to us from ourselves! :)
Mill of hugs. When asked how I managed to liek ymself or even loving me, I explained that is tarted to perceive me like a man I am interetsed in - focusing on the good sides and traits, doting and spoinling, having fun. It worked. And by now thanks to my therapy I have more good moments then bad days. I have things I can rely upon and days we I giggle with and at myself. I love pulling my own leg and have s ort of tender humor towards myself. You are amazing
ReplyDeleteAnd I think it takes practice. I'm much better now at catching myself when I head down the beating myself up road and I really question if I need to be giving myself such a hard time. I always have a dialogue going on in my head like 'I'm such a shit for...' 'are you really?' 'yes' 'well I don't think what you did was so bad; let it go you're just lovely and dong great'. Something like that. :)
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