After realizing how deep and complicated my control issues are, I have been considering going to a CODA meeting. I thought it couldn't hurt to see what it was about and maybe it'd help.
My state only has two meetings, both in this town. One is open and one is step. They are on the same night but an hour and a half apart. The step is the earliest and farthest one away.
I am curious if anyone has input on a preferred format. The step seems a bit more structured and in some ways more helpful. The step is also only for women.
Also, I have been hesitant to join these meetings as I don't know if I can truly believe in giving my problems to someone else, higher power or not. Does this mean I shouldn't go? I don't care to pretend or agree emptily with the other meeting goers as that seems to undo the purpose of going. Both meetings are in churches. I'm not an atheist but I am spiritual, not religious. I also feel like I should be handling my troubles. So maybe I shouldn't go? I'm not sure.
Thank you in advance for any feedback! You do not have to go to these meetings to submit feedback, I'd love to hear what anyone has to say.
I went to Al Anon for 2 years. I do not believe in God. The meeting was held in a church. Well I went in Marbella, Spain to the only English speaking group. For things like "Let go and let God" I translated it for me into "Let go and let it happen" I ahve learned atht when my life is unmanagable it is ok to ask for help. What else do we here in blogland? Not being able to ask for help is part of our problems. SIGH. When you go to a step meeting the normally tell you that you dont have to say aword as long as you dont feel like it (gives u space to create trust, listen and feel to others) they will tell you it makes sense to go there at least 6 times before deciding whether you actually commit or not commit yourself. There is never any pressure and I found it very helpful during my partners drinking time. I have learned a lot and manged to surrender to the powerlessness I have had over his drinking. Was rather though so. Later on attending Al Anon in Tampa, I found the meeting spiritual and helpful, yet the closing included a pryaer and turned it for me into a religious meeting... So I choose to leave before the prayer. Every meeting has a different dynamic. Maybe the step program is good for you, maybe the open one. Maybe you give it a try, nothing to loose, but maybe something to gain...
ReplyDeleteDid you try to google "Emotional Anonymous" or a depression group etc etc. I am searching for things like that constantly trying to find teh best available when moving to Tampa.
Not sure whether my words helped or if you want to expand on it, drop me a line.
You might be insecure, but you are ready to look into all sorts of options and that is true strength and dedication. Chapeau!
Hugs to you
hi IK :) i think they hold 12-step meetings in churches typically because they are free and places that encourage reflection. some 12-step groups might be more religious than others, i think it all depends on the individuals that attend and the ways each person views the "higher power." i do think a slogan that is used in 12-step groups though is "take what you like and leave the rest." i don't think you need to believe in god or be religious or even spiritual to get something out of the program. i'm not religious and i don't believe in god and i LOVE al-anon and coda wisdom. and i know i'm not the only one. i wrote a post awhile back about 12-step wisdom and i linked to a page someone wrote about being an atheist in recoery programs.
ReplyDeletethe recovery wisdom is really really good stuff and i hope that if you do decide to check out the group that you have a nice time. groups can be wonderful and healing, but there is also the literature you can read and reflect on your own too.
back to the higher power idea, i just translate some of wisdom in a way that makes sense for me and the way i view the world.
so instead of "let go and let god" - i say "let go and let it be"
i think the point of the higher power is to help you surrender trying to be in complete control of yourself and others. and those who believe in some higher power can turn their worries, fears, etc, over to that higher power. but as for me, i can try to let go of control in other ways. to accept that i'm not all powerful. that i don't always know what's best. and that things and people don't need me as much as i think they do, and will be just fine without me. (except my daughter of course :)
hugs and well wishes to you!!!
oh, and i was going to say, some people view the higher power as god, but i've heard other people say their higher power is the recovery philosophy. you can interpret it in whatever way makes the most sense to you for how you view the cosmos.
ReplyDeletesometimes i think of a higher power for me as the universe and everything in it. science, the planets, everything is so much bigger than me and while i don't believe in a plan or a divine being in charge, i do think that there does seem to be some kind of working order to the universe, even though it also includes apparent chaos...it's all a mystery and sometimes it helps me to envision surrendering whatever is bothering me and just letting it go into the vast unknown. who knows how things are or need to be. as long as i stop thinking i need to know everything, or do everything or be right all the time and things like that. however i manage to get to that point, i think that is the best. whatever helps you let go. and just be. and just find a place of acceptance.
that's my interpretation anyway :)
Why not both of them? Alternate weeks.. and see which is the one that is most helpful to you??? :)
ReplyDeleteI found out ACOA helped me the most.. out of Al-Anon; and Open AA; and ACOA.
And now the thing that helped me the MOST is reading or listening to books by Eckhart Tolle.
I don't look up to anyone as a Guru.. what he writes resonates with what I really feel... and felt as a child.. !!
I feel truly joyful now.. !!!!
Oh..you'll still be handling your own troubles; buy you'll get tools on how to do so; and learn first hand how others use those tools to change their lives.
You'll also see people going just to vent year after year and they don't really change; that will help you too.. you'll see that Just going does not work like Magic..
You'll be making the choice.. to change.. !!! Change feels hard as first.. but then it is so Easy ... after a few years.. that it is so easy now to do what is right; than to continue to mess my life up as I did for years..
First I did what was right; but it felt ODD; now it feels natural.. lol.
sorry for rambling. I'm happy you are taking the steps to do this for you.. (hugs)
Lot of love to you.
ReplyDelete