Long Update and Future Topics

I have been quite busy as of late and so I'm sorry that I have not been visiting much. I think of you all often and wish you all well.

A whirlwind of healing related events has occurred that I shall share. I will not share all as some of what I've learned is rather difficult to accept and I'm not even sure if it's true. I've had to deal with quite a bit of lying in my life from those close to me so it could be false. I have heard some rather disturbing history of someone close to me in regards to human trafficking and the like. I did not hear about this from that person, so it could be painful lies to make that person sound 'bad'. I didn't even think about being lied to at first and so I felt a lot of pain and sympathy. It also seemed to fit some confusing pieces of my own life.

Anyway, hearing this has made me more curious about such horrific practices and I'd like to share more information about that here. Breaking silence about taboo topics like child abuse, incest, human trafficking, and force prostitution seems to be the first step in ending it all.

One major component that I struggle with is being positive. I grew up in a negative atmosphere where I learned it was best to assume negative and keep quiet. However, this has a rather bad impact on my life. Recently, I've become even more aware of how it can hurt others and myself. It's something that I've worked on in the past, but when I start getting negative again, it's like, oh well I ruined it. So now I'm trying to recover when I slid into negativity and also try to prevent it. It's been a bit of a struggle, and I do fall into old patterns but I think in general it's getting better. I also notice it makes me more productive and more successful if I can keep a positive attitude. This seems to be very important for my assertiveness, codependency, self-esteem, and emotional maturity issues.

Related to being positive, I have been working on loving myself. I never even thought about this idea until I started reading about it on other blogs. As I have been more forgiving and positive with myself, I can see such love forming. I have also gotten more concerned with taking care of myself. I have been exercising more, drinking more water, ridding soda pop from my diet, and eating more whole foods. I know it won't be easy and I will slip up but I have to realize I'm human and that doesn't mean I should give up. I have noticed that exercise has been giving me a new awareness of my own body and its movement. I have never noticed or appreciated the feeling of my body moving. I think I'm slowly losing shame over my body, which seems really good.

I will try to have my next post be more focused. I wish everyone a wonderful week and I will be visiting! <3