Splitting and Projection -- Defense Mechanisms

I hope that I have not offended anyone with my post about whining. I certainly did not mean people are whiny or weak. It's a matter of judging myself more harshly in that area. I'm still learning that it's ok to vent and express negative feelings.

I have been struggling with self-esteem in particular today. I seem to want acceptance so badly from others. If they do provide positive feedback about my different qualities, I feel like those qualities are crap even if I like them. I just can't seem to be happy with what I think of myself. And it's difficult for me to think well of myself because I can always find exceptions.

For example, I'm kind, but x is a time I said something mean, y is a time I did something rude, etc. Oh, I guess I'm not kind then.

I attribute much of that to my view of the world in black and white. I dislike this profoundly as I believed I was rather open-minded. I want to see gray so much and I am but it's a slow progress.

One of the primary ways I discovered my own emotional immaturity was through learning about immature and mature defense mechanisms. Splitting (black/white) and projection are my two strongest immature defense mechanisms.

After realizing once again that those two mechanisms are causing problems for me, I will have to look into resolving them and replacing them with mature defense mechanisms. I will have to blog more on this topic as there are a number of informative resources out there.