Recent Events and the Intertwined Issues and Reflections

Wow, that's some title, huh?  Well it fits nicely with what I want to say.

This Friday, a friend's mother got dizzy, fell in her home, and could not get up.  Offering my help, I went with my friend to help.  Once we got her up off the floor, she looked rather dazed and so we decided to bring her to the ER.  I  learned a couple of things about myself with this event:
- I have gotten a lot more social and comfortable around others
- I get along with the elderly quite well
- the elderly and and children have many similarities and seem to get disrespected for the same reasons

I grew up around a lot of elderly people and so I believe that is some of the reason I am more comfortable around them.  I also seem more aware that I share an interest in being heard and paid attention to.  Anyway, these are generalizations and do not apply to all.  I'm just glad I can see how I relate to others.

Mother's Day was a rather quiet day for me.  I have had a strained relationship with my mother.  I still love her and have come to a point where I feel empathy and sympathy for how she has been abused by others.  I seem to have an easier time forgiving her than for forgiving myself for being a 'bad' daughter.  How does one react well to the thought that your mother's life would have been better if you did not exist?  She's in a crappy place right now, but I cannot help her.  Hopefully I can learn someday that I cannot save the world.  I sure seem to want to and feel enough guilt for not being able to.

My friend has gotten into a rather icky spot.  After posting a rather judgemental status online, his girlfriend posted a laundry list how he's a terrible boyfriend.  I will not go into much detail, however I have learned that context gets lost so easily online with such things.  I'm not saying either are right as I do not know and will probably never know the whole story.  We discussed some issues he has, as he shares many of the ones I myself have.  I shared some experiences and what I myself have learned.

Frankly, I see in myself a feeling of disgust.  I feel like if I was in his situation, I would dump her.  How she said some of the things she did do not seem quite correct.  His reputation has been ruined with so many.  I see a lot of relationship sabotage here, as I'm awesome at self-sabotage myself.

It is very  interesting to see how I think about things as I gain confidence and self-respect.  I start to set boundaries on stuff I would not put up with from others, like online humiliation. 

Anyway, all of that has just made me unproductive and cross.  I am attracted to drama and chaos as that's all I knew growing up.  However, it messes with me and I don't like that a bit.  So, I've decided to limit my online presence for a bit.  I have enough drama without watching partial bits of other's. 

Don't be mistaken:  I still will visit survivor blogs and show support.  That is not what makes me cross.  I am so happy to see what other survivors post.  I get inspired, touched, supported, and educated.  I am just saying that social networking takes up time and feeds my dramatic side.

I have an ill father and grandmother, a mother in distress, a sister in need of encouragement and self-esteem building, a sister in need of stress relief and emotional release, friends and family with financial and other medical problems, a Master's degree at work, my own health and financial means, and myself to think of and to cause drama. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent.  I seem to also get frustrated in behavior of others that I myself still have.  Sabotage, insecurity, untempered idealism, low self-esteem, passive-aggressiveness, drama creation, etc. all bug me.  Though, that reasures me to some degree.  It means I am tolerating less of that in myself.  Though I must accept that in others as I cannot control how they are. 

Anyway, thanks for stopping by.  This wasn't a very informative post, but it sure helped me heaps.  Take care!  *hugs*  <3