Despair, Apathy, Shame, Hopelessness, Et Cetera

The last couple of days has been a low point for me. I seem to be in a funk of some sort. I realize this happens to everyone at some point, but it would be nice to understand why and head feelings like this off. I know when I go back into habits of passiveness and codependency, that I get dragged down. I know that the many realizations I have made these past few months drag me down. I know emotional eating drags me down. My sense of apathy and 'letting things go' also hurts.

One thing that I think would help prevent such feelings is more positive reinforcement. When mistakes or failures occur, actively comforting oneself and supporting oneself may lessen feelings of failure. I really need to focus on the fact that I'm human and can never be 'perfect'. More emotional detachment would help, I don't need to take other people's negative emotions; I have enough of my own. I have gotten MUCH better at self-coping. When I'm down, sometimes I can say positive things to myself and make myself feel loved. For a long time I have heard about the need to love yourself. I never understood what this meant until now.

I never realized that I could think good of myself, especially at this point in my life. It is most turbulent and I am more emotional. I am also rather overweight and have become aware of how I don't take care or pride in myself. Yet, though I have not turned all of this around, I have managed to find some love of myself. That makes me feel really good.

So, now that I'm in a funk, what to do? I have read a bit about this. Here are some things that work for me.
- Accomplishing small goals: this helps build self-esteem because I can be really apathetic and feel guilt for feeling that way. It helps to remind myself that I don't have to have everything done.
- Enjoy the outdoors: walks are very soothing to me, even in the city. I lived my child and teen years in the country, where I developed my habit of taking little walks. The fresh air, bits of color I see, the various people I meet all help me feel better. I have only seen prairie and forests, no mountains or shore. I love the prairie for its openness and sweeping wind. I love the forest for its shelteredness and its stillness. I love trees and grasses and plants and animals. I love the way my heart settles from the peace I get at those places. I belong there, a feeling I never felt anywhere else.
- Music: I wonder if music influences me so much because I am so influenced by others. I do not wish to lose music's influence as it helps me invigorate and sooth me. It can sooth my heart, but not the same way nature can. I like music with stimulating harmonies or lyrics. Like art, it must stir me in some way.

Those are just some things that I can think of right now. One thing I would like to try is watercolor painting. This book got me intrigued. I have always been critical with my art skills, but I think it would be therapeutic for me.

One thing I think that harms me sometimes is being online. I think I spend too much time online, especially when down. I will visit blogs here but otherwise I am going to restrict myself a bit and see if it helps me.

I wish you all a great week and thanks for stopping by!