As the Dust Settles ...

As things have quieted down, I feel like I can sit and type a spell.

I have been thinking of my blogs as of late.  As I have gotten more personal here, I feel less of a need for my second 'more personal' blog.  I also don't care for the name and identity I've taken here.  I wish I would have thought of something more adaptable.  As my little web home has become more, its title and persona are limited.

I have noticed that one way I am poor with self-care is by not taking the time to arrange or take care of my stuff and locations.  I feel that this is true here in my web home as well.  I will just have to work on it as I do with other things.

Now on to family affairs.  First, I feel that I should be a bit more open in terms of background.  Basically, my father is ill and is not expected to live long.  He was rather sick with something but now that has subsided.  However, it coincided with my sister breaking and dislocating her ankle.  As the local doctors were not knowledgable, they referred them elsewhere.  However, my father's illness was at its worst when they had to go.  Their phone died and I'm not sure what happened with the cell, but we could not reach them all last week.

So, this week, I took her down here to get properly treated.  They have been professional, timely, and very friendly.  Though there is a lack of insurance, they never made us feel like scum.  Unfortunately, some places do that.  I took on a bit more than my other sister.  I'm not going to dwell on any negatives of these past couple of weeks.

Instead, I shall compile a list of positive events:
- my family is alive and safe, though dysfunctional
- I got to spend time with my grandmother
- I got to talk to an uncle I haven't talked to in at least a decade
- people have noticed how much easier I am to socialize with
- I see what areas I still struggle in badly and how it affects others
- I haven't given up on myself
- I have helped people I love
- I have gotten a lot of support from friends and work
- I have online bloggie friends that inspire and encourage me with their posts and comments
- I see even more how I must free myself from emotional eating
- I have two functional legs (my, how we take such appendages for granted!)
- I'm learning to not dwell so much and to just live and be mindful
- I've been re-inspired by Bruce Lee
- This Bruce Lee quote fits quite well with some of the areas that I have been struggling in: 

“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

I have been seeing more and more how things come together.  It seems that as I struggle, more good things come along to guide me.  A major area of concern for me is my tendency to be defensive and have negative assumptions.  This stuff is what first got me realizing I needed to work through some things.  I feel rigid and helpless at times.  What Bruce Lee says about there being no limits and to be like water is incredibly soothing to me.  For me, having no limits means no irrational fear and total self-control.  To be flexible means less stress and less attempts at controlling others.

Anyway, I shall rest now.  Take care all!  *hugs*  <3